In Pakistan
we have outlined reasons for giving and receiving. We give gifts not for the
receiving party to be happy and delighted, feeling loved and valuable. We give
gifts as a status symbol.
-
To
those with a higher status: we give gifts apni Izzat bachane ke liye. What will
they think. We don’t have taste? What will they think, we can’t afford
anything? What will they think, we are
poor?
s So when our daughter is getting married not only do we shower our daughter with gifts (commonly known as Jehez), we give gifts to one and all. From our mothers, sisters, other daughters to phuppi, chachi, my daughters in-laws to be to the lady who cleans the house. Ofcourse certain people do have the right, but they are usually not the ones to ask.
S All this is giving is good and well, but on these occasions we have many many costs as it is. And all these things keep adding on. How can any man afford this? No wonder girls are a need for worry, even in these days.
I believe it's up to the ladies of the house to say no to these extra's. When your relative's say: Itni bari khushi hai, mein to suit loongi! Instead of saying haan haan aap ka to haq hai, say acha theek hai dekti hoon. And then just forget about it. (YES, Forget about it!)
I
Every time you remember her request say to yourself: I love and respect my husband enough not to make this an issue. He has plenty of stuff to do, arrange and buy. Without me adding to his burden!
Now many will state, you can buy a less expensive suit for yourself or your other kids, and manage the relatives. It is even considered being sooghar in many homes to do so. But this is how these customs have come to live! We are not doing Pakistan a favor by sustaining them. Your husband works hard every day for YOU to have a good life, and perhaps save a little. Not to give it away! He will appreciate you looking great at your daughter's wedding! Aap se zyaada bari khushi kissi aur ki hai, after all it's YOUR daughter!
s So when our daughter is getting married not only do we shower our daughter with gifts (commonly known as Jehez), we give gifts to one and all. From our mothers, sisters, other daughters to phuppi, chachi, my daughters in-laws to be to the lady who cleans the house. Ofcourse certain people do have the right, but they are usually not the ones to ask.
S All this is giving is good and well, but on these occasions we have many many costs as it is. And all these things keep adding on. How can any man afford this? No wonder girls are a need for worry, even in these days.
I believe it's up to the ladies of the house to say no to these extra's. When your relative's say: Itni bari khushi hai, mein to suit loongi! Instead of saying haan haan aap ka to haq hai, say acha theek hai dekti hoon. And then just forget about it. (YES, Forget about it!)
I
Every time you remember her request say to yourself: I love and respect my husband enough not to make this an issue. He has plenty of stuff to do, arrange and buy. Without me adding to his burden!
Now many will state, you can buy a less expensive suit for yourself or your other kids, and manage the relatives. It is even considered being sooghar in many homes to do so. But this is how these customs have come to live! We are not doing Pakistan a favor by sustaining them. Your husband works hard every day for YOU to have a good life, and perhaps save a little. Not to give it away! He will appreciate you looking great at your daughter's wedding! Aap se zyaada bari khushi kissi aur ki hai, after all it's YOUR daughter!
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